party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
