it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Randomize
