No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
