this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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