i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
