I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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