shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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