I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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