I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
