I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
