Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
