A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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