my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
