ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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