party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
pray to the hookup gods
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