The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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