hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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