My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
