you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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