Your favorite bartender is back from prision
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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