..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
