Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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