he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
