I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
