Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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