I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
