I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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