The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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