you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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