I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
