dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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