Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
