I love black thongs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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