mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
