My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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