Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
