Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne

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(916): View more from California

Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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(513): View more from Ohio

First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

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(315): View more from New York

We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"

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(248): View more from Michigan

he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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(574): View more from Indiana

i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty

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