YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
