somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
