I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
