I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
