Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
