Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
