it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
