I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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