That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
