so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
