11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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