And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
