Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
