I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
